Is “making ends meet” the whole story?
As dads, we often focus on one main financial goal: making ends meet. Paying the Meralco bill, covering tuition, putting food on the table. These are vital, non-negotiable responsibilities. But sometimes, lost in the hustle, we might pause and wonder: Is this it? Is my financial life all about surviving the bills?
What if we aimed higher? Not necessarily for vast riches, but for something deeper and more satisfying, like promoting financial wellness in the family. This concept goes beyond our bank account; it’s about peace of mind, freedom, stronger relationships, future preparedness, and teamwork. It’s about using money to improve our family’s financial well-being instead of just making ends meet.
In early 2017, I realized I was overwhelmed by debt, not simply because of the poor economy or business mismanagement. The truth is, I lack the knowledge, habits, mentality, and discipline to be financially healthy. This realization ignited my passion to grow myself and, hopefully, achieve financial wellness.
This guide outlines 5 essential habits that can help dads achieve financial stability and resilience for their families, going beyond just paying bills.
Focus Area 1: Find Calm Waters by Tackling Family Financial Stress Head-On
Young David didn’t hide from the intimidating giant; he boldly confronted Goliath despite their size, equipment, and experience differences.
Let’s face it: Money worries are stressful. They can strain relationships and steal our peace of mind. Studies often point to finances as a leading cause of marital conflict.
As dads, feeling the financial pressure can impact how we lead and relate with our families.
Actively promoting financial wellness in the family means tackling this stress head-on.
I hid for six months after I realized I don’t have the means to pay my creditors anymore. During this season, I suffered from insomnia, acne, and hyperacidity. Relationally, I didn’t like to talk to anyone and always felt grumpy. I was under a lot of stress!
The breakthrough came after I read the book, Facing Your Giants, by Max Lucado. It showed me that young David didn’t hide from the intimidating giant; he boldly confronted Goliath despite their size, equipment, and experience differences.
I was inspired by the story and began calling my creditors and disclosed my financial situation. It was an intense process, but thank God we were able to work out a long-term payment plan. After the week ended, I felt a sense of peace or calmness that I hadn’t felt for a long time.
Through that experience, I learned that maintaining family financial well-being relies on consistent, proactive habits like these:
- Open Communication: Making it safe and normal to talk about money regularly and calmly with your spouse is a game-changer. Discussing goals, situation, fears, tensions, and habits transparently reduces the anxiety that comes from guesswork or hidden issues. Try: Set aside 15-30 minutes monthly for a “financial check-in” with your spouse.
- Clarity Through Budgeting: An effective family budget isn’t a cage; it’s a map. Understanding your income and expenses gives you control and lowers anxiety about overspending. It helps you make better financial choices by clearly answering the question: “Can we afford this?”
- “No Blame, No Shame”: This is one of the mantras I learned from the book, Your Money or Your Life. We must accept that we will make many mistakes and poor financial decisions in life. As a man, we may feel guilty and shameful about these mistakes. As a husband and wife, we could be tempted to blame our spouse for the wrong decisions. The habit of “no blame, no shame” encourages us to accept and learn from our mistakes and carry on. Dwelling on our mistep could only cause more damage, not to mention stress.
These three habits helped us reduce financial anxiety and promote calm and control, improving our family’s financial well-being.
Focus Area 2: Strengthen Your Anchor by Building Financial Unity as a Couple
Our seven-year struggle with debt improved our family’s financial health and strengthened our bond as a couple, making us more resilient to life’s challenges.
Your partnership is the anchor of your family. When you and your spouse are on the same page financially, that anchor holds much stronger, especially during storms. Handling money in silos, or having constant disagreements about it, can create deep cracks in the foundation.
Building financial unity involves:
- Shared Vision: Do you both have a similar picture of your family’s financial future and goals? Alignment is crucial.
- Teamwork: Approaching financial decisions – big or small – as a team. This requires trust, mutual respect, and valuing each other’s perspectives, even if you have different “money personalities.”
- Regular Check-ins: Consistent communication (as mentioned in Focus Area 1) keeps you aligned as circumstances change.
Successfully integrating these elements not only strengthens your partnership but is a profound step towards lasting family financial well-being.
As Learning Dads, improving our financial partnership requires us to develop our communication and collaboration skills.
From 2017, it was a no-brainer that our long-term financial objective as a couple was to get out of debt. Lalaine and I made a spreadsheet to track our progress and decided to treat ourselves to a buffet each time we paid off an account. We did this year after year, and by 2023, we finally paid everything off. After that, we thought of a new goal, which is to save for Osaka, Japan!
Being in debt is no fun. But in some weird way, I am grateful it happened. Our seven-year struggle with debt improved our family’s financial health and strengthened our bond as a couple, making us more resilient to life’s challenges.
Focus Area 3: Plant Future Seeds by Empowering Financially Savvy Kids
Kids absorb their parents’ attitudes and habits around money like sponges.
We worry about our kids’ future, and part of securing it involves teaching them about money. Effective financial education isn’t commonly taught in schools, making our role as parents paramount. This task is something we should take seriously, as promoting financial wellness in the family extends to the next generation.
Kids absorb their parents’ attitudes and habits around money like sponges. How we talk about our finances, whether we save or splurge impulsively, sets their initial blueprint. Simply put, we are the main teachers (or influencers) of our children, especially when it comes to money.
As parents, it is essential to begin educating our children early and in an age-appropriate manner. Here are some approaches we can try:
- Talk: Use every chance to explain the difference between needs and wants, how much things cost, and where money comes from in a way that’s easy to understand.
- Provide practical experience: Use allowance to teach money management, encourage them to save for a specific goal, and involve them in simple shopping price comparison activities.
One of the most effective ways we discovered in teaching our kids about money is during our grocery day. We give them Php 100 to Php 200 to buy anything they want. Their allowance is their limit, and if they can’t afford the thing they want, we encourage them to save it for the next grocery day.
- Grow: Learning and applying knowledge in real life is, itself, an effective teaching method. As mentioned earlier, our kids absorb our habits and attitudes like a sponge. You are already teaching valuable lessons by simply embodying the person you want them to become someday.
The goal is to teach kids to respect money and develop healthy financial habits for their future families.
Focus Area 4: Design Financial Security by Future-Proofing Through Smart Habits
Thankfully, our emergency fund allowed me to concentrate on my recovery without the worry of financial stress.
Life brings surprises – job changes, health issues, emergencies, even the occasional typhoon can require unexpected repairs. Financial wellness includes building a buffer against these shocks and creating options for the future.
Key habits that build this security include:
- Consistent Saving: Make saving automatic, even if it’s a small amount (5% to 20%) from each paycheck. Developing healthy saving habits for families is essential.
- Emergency Fund: Aiming to build a cushion (e.g., 3-6 months of essential expenses) provides incredible peace of mind, a crucial component of family financial well-being.
- Managing Debt Wisely: If you are dealing with debts, make sure you handle them carefully. Small holes can sink an entire ship. Be mindful of the interest rates you are exposing yourself to and ensure that you are paying on time.
- Protecting Your Family: Understanding basic insurance needs (health, life, non-life) can also be a beneficial part of a security plan.
These habits are proactive measures that safeguard your finances, support your financial goals, and lay the groundwork for lasting family financial well-being.
Proverbs 21:20 states, “Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man’s dwelling, but a foolish man devours it.” This verse encouraged me to save money.
In 2023, I found myself mostly bedridden due to vestibular neuritis. Despite my eagerness to work, the debilitating chronic dizziness, migraines, and balance issues rendered it impossible. Thankfully, our emergency fund allowed me to concentrate on my recovery without the worry of financial stress.
That difficult period truly hammered home the importance of building financial resilience as a family.
Focus Area 5: Live Your Why by Connecting Money Habits to Your Values
I don’t intend to trade my life for money, so I always try to make financial decisions that enable availability.
Ultimately, promoting financial wellness in the family is about aligning your money with what truly matters most deep down. When your financial habits match your core values, money becomes a useful tool for creating the life you want, rather than a source of stress or just a way to get by.
Have you paused to consider the questions?
- What exactly is money?
- Why am I trading my life and family for it?
Answering those questions will revolutionize the way you approach money in your life and family.
One of my core values is Availability. It means being present and engaged with my family and prioritizing what matters most. This is essential to my commitment to fully present fatherhood.
I don’t intend to trade my life for money, so I always try to make financial decisions that enable availability. It may comprise investing for the future and creating an emergency fund that can reduce financial worries. This safety net allows me to be more present and less distracted by financial concerns.
It may involve organizing finances to allow work-from-home businesses to safeguard family time. It may involve budgeting for family activities that promote active participation rather than passive consumption.
My dedication to making financial choices that allow me to be present is an ongoing learning experience and essential to my journey as a Learning Dad.
Conclusion: Your Path to Promoting Financial Wellness in the Family
True family financial well-being goes beyond money; it’s about finding peace, connection, security, empowerment, and purpose through wise resource management.
As Learning Dads, we share this journey together. We learn, we try, and sometimes stumble. But let’s keep aiming to align our finances with our family’s heart. Promoting financial wellness in the family focuses on establishing daily habits, not a perfect outcome.
Begin with one small habit and have one open conversation today. The path to greater wellness begins with that single step.
What’s one small step you can take this week towards greater financial wellness for your family? Share your thoughts or intentions below!
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