Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Bad? — A Wife’s Perspective


There is a stigma going around against stay-at-home dads today. I wish to share my thoughts, but I am not the right person to be vocal about it since I am also a SAHD myself. For this reason, I presume it is better to let my wife share her thoughts about this matter. 

I prepared a few questions, which we discussed over lunch. Here is what we learned in summary:

There is nothing bad or wrong with being a stay-at-home dad as long as he is helping the family get better. Being a dad, in general, should not be summed up by what he can provide financially. If he is making efforts to lead a better home, he is a good father.

Why do I think my wife is a good resource person?

We became parents in 2017. It means she has already experienced living with a stay-at-home dad for four years. But besides that, she is also a stay-at-home parent herself. I can only imagine how she felt when I told her that I planned to stay home and start a new business. 

We were in debt, and I did not have any source of income. I mean, with those ordeals, what made her think that me staying at home was not such a bad idea?

Here is the transcript of our mini-interview:

RELATED: A Stay-At-Home Dad Schedule: What Do We Exactly Do All Day?

1. As the wife of a stay-at-home dad, in general, do you think being a SAHD is bad?

Lalaine: I am not new to this setup. I have a cousin who is a stay-at-home dad who doesn’t work. He takes care of the kids and the house while his wife holds a high position in a reputable company. It is unconventional, but I do not see anything wrong or bad about it.

2. What are the challenges and benefits you observed Of having a stay-at-home husband?

Lalaine: I can only think of two benefits right now.

One, I have someone to help me with the chores. *wink*

But seriously, I cannot handle every chore in the house. Sometimes I need someone taller and stronger than me to perform a particular task.

Two, There are certain things only dads can do for their children.

Last night I saw our kids working out. They are foam rolling, doing crunches, and push-ups. After that, they grabbed their “laptop” and started typing.

I asked them what they were doing, and they answered, “We are exercising and working.” And then I followed up, asking why they are exercising and working? And they excitedly replied, “To buy us food, like Daddy!”

It’s one instance of how important it is to have a male role model in the house whom they can emulate. We both influence our kids differently, yet both are essential for their development.

Oh, oh! I have another one!

Three, one more benefit is you will not get exposed to other women. It is better to eliminate temptations as much as possible. *wink* *wink*

RELATED: 7 Common Stay-At-Home Dad Problems You May Face

3. What do you think can make a stay-at-home dad a bad idea?

Lalaine: I am unsure where the stigma came from. But my suspicion is because some stay-at-home dads do nothing at home. As in really nothing. No plans, no contribution, and becomes a liability to the family.

If a father’s intention to stay home is to become a bum, that definitely would be a bad idea. In the office, at least, he will have a boss who will pound him to work.

4. Would you rather have a husband who works in the office or at home?

Lalaine: Based on what we have accomplished as a family so far, I would choose you to stay home. I like how we have improved on our teamwork these past few years. 

5. Are you proud of having a Househusband? Why?

Lalaine: I think we have a different definition of being a “Stay-at-home dad” or a “house husband.” To me, a SAHD or a HH is the person who takes care of the kids and does the household chores while his wife is the one who works. And you are not that person.

You are at home taking care of the kids and all, but you are still the one providing for the family. You have your gigs and online businesses. So, in my book, you are more of a “work-at-home dad” than a “stay-at-home dad.”

But whatever it is, despite the stigma, I am not ashamed to tell people about us being stay-at-home parents. I am humbled at how the Lord has sustained us. But I am, at the same time, proud of how we keep our house together with just the two of us.

6. How did you feel when you first heard about your husband planning to stay home full time?

Lalaine: I guess the given emotion a wife would feel is worry or even anxiety. At that time, we were in enormous debt, and our businesses were failing. It was not the ideal plan, and I have every right to feel negative about it. But for some reason, I was at peace, — hopeful even.

I was confident you would not take any action without praying about it. Yet, at the back of my head, I was also self-assured about my capabilities. I know that if your plans fail, I can do something to support our family. In a way, I am the “Plan B” who will keep us afloat until you get back on your feet again.

Read: How much do stay-at-home dads make? — My Actual Numbers

7. Do you think it is healthy for the kids to have their dads at home often?

Lalaine: I do not think I am the right person to answer this one.

(Looks at our son) 

Joab, do you like Daddy to work here at home or outside?

Joab: Here at home.

Lalaine: Why?

Joab: So that if there are bad people, Daddy can protect us!

Top comments From Other People

Being a stay-at-home dad is an honorable job.

Either parent has to do the job or the children need day care, so both parents can work. I know of a couple where the mother was a doctor and the father was a banker. It may make more sense for the dad to stay at home with the children.

Hold your head up high. Raising children is one of the most important jobs in the world.

Doris Arnold, former teacher

It’s 2018, what gave you the impression it was “wrong?”

And particularly, perhaps if the child is male, there is nothing better for a young guy than to have a good guy for a father and as someone they can get on with and look up to and spend more time with. — than modern society allows when said father is working 50 hours a week plus!

Also, plenty of on-line support from other males doing the same thing, so networking with other guys makes it easier!

Wrong being a stay-at-home dad —absolutely not!

Stephen Murray, Happily retired since working from 15 yrs of age.

My husband stayed at home while I worked because that is what worked for us at that time. As a family, we decided we prefer more traditional roles, but that’s a personal and spiritual decision we made. Each family needs to figure out what works for them.

Misty Wood, Stay at Home Mom

Read: How to become a stay-at-home dad: To-do list

There is nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home dad with a spouse who earns enough money to support the family.

It is the family’s choice. Unfortunately, tradition says it is the man’s job to provide for the family. Staying at home with children has always been belittled. Stay at home mothers are treated as if they are doing nothing.

Anyone who stays home with their children all day knows they are busier and more stressed than anyone going out to work (I know. I was a stay-at-home mother for 16 years).

Do what is right for you family and ignore nosey people.

Nancy Hooven, former Home care nurse, adoptee, adoptive parent to 5.

I personally do not think there is anything wrong with being a stay-at-home Dad.

I think in today’s society it is becoming more important to show young children that no you don’t have to go out and be the main supporter in your family just because you are a male.

Also, I believe in a good marriage. Two partners compliment each other, which could mean that the father is great with the kids and wants to stay home and provide care for them, but the partner wants to provide for the family by working.

Jamie Schiopucie, lives in Meriden, CT

Read: The Mission and Vision Of Our Family (Tips + Core Values)

Closing Thoughts: Whose Opinion Matters?

I did not want to make this post sound biased. I tried to look for opposing comments, but for some reason, I did not find any. Even the most negative comment I found is still quite positive:

Nothing wrong with it, but I’m sure a lot of men and their friends will be questioning your “manhood”, your ca hones! And ask you when are you going to put the skirt on!

But if that’s what you and your wife choose, then that’s on you all.

Peace,

PJ Ramirez, studied Bachelor of Business Administration Degrees at Baker University (1996)

Yet, I am sure there will be many people who will be cynical toward the idea of being a stay-at-home father.

As for me, being SAHD is not for everyone. It is not the key to a successful family. It will always depend on what your family needs. Yet, I cannot deny the advantages a stay-at-home dad has over those who have a 9 to 5 job.

But in case you wish to become a SAHD, there’s only one opinion that would matter. — It’s your wife’s. Be sure to hear what she has to say first before you make a final decision.

The reason?

  1. Whatever you decide on will affect her and your family.
  2. Our wife is a source of wisdom that we often overlook.

So…Is being a stay-at-home dad bad?

Let us hear what your wife has to say.


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Thank you for reading!

Jed Chan

Jed is a husband to Lalaine, and a work-at-home dad to Joab and Jrue. He got himself into debt in 2016 and is currently on his journey to being debt-free. To date, he has already paid off 85% of his obligations and is hoping to wrap it up in a year or two. (Updated: August 2021)

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